


Unexplored Territories

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-03
Updated: 2006-03-02
Packaged: 2018-08-15 22:06:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8074390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: (01/06/2003)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Lieutenant Malcolm Reed monitored his station on the bridge as efficiently as usual. However, this morning his attention kept wandering toward the lift door in anticipation of the emergence of his commanding officer.

It had been 7 days since the captain had been in the command chair overseeing the crew. He had been on leave caring for Trip while he recuperated from his ordeal on the planet Montelosa. There was more to it, though, Malcolm knew. He and T'Pol were the only ones that did know aside from the captain, Phlox and Trip himself. But Malcolm had a nagging feeling that even more was going on.

Malcolm had been the only visitor allowed by Trip while he stayed in the captain's quarters. That's where Trip had remained almost 24-7, except for periodic visits to sickbay for a check up. The captain had never left Trip's side during Malcolm's visits, which was actually good when Trip's behavior became erratic. It was unsettling to observe him getting angry for no apparent reason, or even frightened. And it was only Captain Archer that Trip responded to.

"Lieutenant," Ensign Travis Mayweather's soft voice called.

Malcolm looked up now to see Ensign Hoshi Sato and Travis both staring at him.

"I'm sorry," Malcolm blinked into focus. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you thought Commander Tucker was going to make the movie tonight?" Travis asked.

"It's 'Wuthering Heights', sir." Hoshi added. "He was telling us about it a few months ago and got it on the schedule."

"I don't know," Malcolm sighed. "But I'll ask the captain."

Hoshi went back to her study of the native language of Montelosa. The translators had worked fine to suit their contact with the aliens, but she didn't let that stop her. She always continued to learn the languages even after the contact was over with new species. It just seemed now to be busy work. They hadn't been on any real mission since that ill-fated visit with the Montelosians. Not that any of them would want to start a new experience without Commander Tucker. The rumor mill had the chief engineer suffering emotional distress as well as his physical injuries. Not only did Hoshi wish for everything back to normal, she wanted the commander to be well again.

Travis watched Hoshi out of the corner of his eye. He knew she was feeling much the way he did that something was missing. They were going about their day to day duties, but it just seemed to be routine. Without Captain Archer and Commander Tucker on duty the "family" wasn't complete. With the news of Commander Tucker's bandages coming off that morning, they hoped he had healed completely. Inside as well as out.

* * *

Trip stood in the middle of his quarters, looking around the room. Everything looked the same as the way he had left it. But one thing had changed...himself.

"I've got to get to the bridge." Jon said.

Trip turned around to look at Jon, standing in the doorway.

"Thanks," Trip said. "You know, for walkin' me back."

Jon nodded. "So, just take it easy. Doc gave you two more days."

"Yeah," Trip moved to his bed and sat down. "Two days to catch up on all the backlog of engineerin' reports."

"I'll see you later." Jon turned to leave.

"Jon," Trip stood up as Jon turned. "Think maybe we could have dinner tonight? Well, now that I can feed myself we can actually eat together again." He managed a smile.

Jon smiled back. "You got it."

Trip stared at the closed door. He suddenly felt so alone. He started to feel anxious, his heart beating rapidly. But he began the deep breathing exercises he'd learned in therapy with Phlox and Jon. He kept his thoughts clear and pure. He wasn't alone. He only had to hit the com panel and anyone he asked for would be there.

Opening his eyes, Trip backed up and stretched out on his bed. The past week had been a time for beginnings and endings. That morning Jon told him how he felt about him was never spoken of again between the two men. Jon had washed Trip's tear-steaked face, dressed him and combed his hair. Then, they had silently walked to sickbay to see the doc.

The rest of the days had gone by much the same as the ones before. Jon was attentive, caring, and respectful of Trip's limited privacy. Even Trip had relaxed enough to accept Jon's help when he had to use the toilet. The awkwardness they both experienced after that fateful first shower had faded, right after Jon had held him and tenderly kissed the top of his head and forehead. The two watched water polo games, movies and even had Malcolm over to hang out.

There were times when they did get aroused in the shower, but neither one made any remark or attempts to hide their state. With Trip's therapy for the Post Traumatic Distress Disorder ongoing, they both knew the place and time to deal with their new relationship was in the future.

So what was their new relationship? Trip turned over on his side and stared at the door. Jon was, and always would be, his best friend. That couldn't possibly change. Could it? And did Trip himself truly have the same feelings, or was he just confused? So much had come out during therapy and so much he had kept hidden. Protected. It was the only thing he could have control over; how much anyone knew of what he really thought and felt.

* * *

Captain Jonathan Archer made his way onto the bridge with somewhat of a fanfare. Ensign Mayweather broke into applause, followed by Ensign Sato, Lieutenant Reed and the rest of the crew. Except, of course, T'Pol who just raised her brow and relinquished the command chair.

Archer sat down and smiled at the crew. "It's good to be back."

"Where are we headed, sir?" Mayweather asked, like an excited child on a car trip with Dad.

"I don't know." Archer turned to T'Pol. "I thought you did."

There was a silent pause and then Archer broke into a wide grin, which prompted laughter from the rest. Except, or course, T'Pol.

Jon half listened to T'Pol explaining the uncharted planet they were going to pass in three days. He stared out at the stars on the view screen. So much unexplored territory. His thoughts wandered back to Trip. They would have to deal with the biggest hurdle they had yet to tackle. How they really felt about and toward one another. Jon knew and had already professed his feelings. But Trip had only eluded to the possibility of feelings other than friendship towards Jon. And there was the shower incidents over the last week. But Jon wasn't going to jump to conclusions. He was going to wait until Trip was ready to discuss the matter and be supportive of whatever decision the younger man came to. All he really wanted was Trip to be happy. God, that guy had carried around so much baggage for so many years.

In therapy it had come out that Trip's string of unfortunate incidents on this mission, and prior, had all rooted themselves in the abuse at the hands of Uncle Chris. Trip's anxiety attacks like the one in the cargo bay when that lifeform was integrating with them and linking their minds; or when he thought he was going to die during the Omega training mission after his EV pack froze up, came out of the fear of being helpless and threatened. Just like when he fought off Uncle Chris, only to have the man retaliate and beat him into unconsciousness. Then there was his smart mouth, a form of wall to keep most people at a distance.

Dinner tonight was going to be different for sure. But Jon hoped it wouldn't be awkward. They had done so well this past week after that first morning. Despite the circumstances the two had even managed to have a pretty good time most of the time, except when Trip would have an outburst and the mood would get intense. But even then, there was a lot of holding, rocking, hugging and the inevitable tears would dry up.

Jon had in no way ever thought he would be able to be as close, physically, to Trip as he had been in the last week. It wasn't just in the comforting moments that they had been close. One of their favorite past times had been the late night horror movies, complete with popcorn and candy. And, even, cuddling under the blankets. Nothing sexual at all. Just playful, like two kids having a sleep over. But that was all over now.

Trip's hands had healed and he moved back into his own quarters. Jon wondered if Trip would put up those walls he so carefully built around himself in the past. The walls that Doctor Phlox was trying to break down during therapy. Then a thought occurred to Jon as he shifted in his chair. He hoped, with the revelation of his feelings towards Trip, that he hadn't planted the seed of new anxiety for the man he loved with all his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Malcolm made his way down the corridor with a slight anticipation. He wondered what Trip would be like without the captain around. He hadn't seen him alone in over a week. He did understand how Trip could need some degree of support walking about the ship. So, that's why he wasn't surprised when he got the call as he was in his quarters freshening up for the dinner break. Trip's timid voice came across the com and asked Malcolm if he wouldn't mind walking him to the mess. Malcolm said he was meeting Travis for dinner and would be happy to walk with Trip.

Poor guy. Trip needed so much to stand on his own two feet and face up to his problems. Oh, the doctor was handling his therapy well enough, but Malcolm couldn't help but feel that Trip was being coddled by the captain. That's why he had decided he would have to be the one to remain firm when it came to Trip's mood swings. Not cold or cruel, but firm.

* * *

Trip finished combing his hair and took one last look at himself in the mirror. He wanted to make sure he looked as nice as he did when Jon took care of him. The last thing he wanted was for the captain to think he was losing it to the point of being sloppy with his appearance.

Losing it. Trip let out a muffled laugh and shook his head. He'd never thought of it consciously that way, but that's what it was. Everytime he let those demons take hold and envelope him he was losing it. And Jon had been there, as always, to fall back on and guide him back to reality.

Jon. Who the hell was he? Trip had hopelessly turned that thought over and over in his mind. Best friend, Captain, big brother, or was he more? Trip had never felt what he felt around Jon towards any man before. Hell, he had never even thought about it until last week. How could he know how he really felt towards Jon when he couldn't even bring himself to consider talking openly with the man about it? Geez, this dinner was gonna be damn awkward.

The door chime startled him and Trip turned off the bathroom light and answered the door. Malcolm smiled back at him.

"You ready?" Malcolm asked.

"Yeah," Trip said, joining his friend in the hall.

"Dinner with the captain?"

"Yep," Trip nodded, self consciously looking at the floor as they walked.

"I'd have thought the captain would want for other company now." Malcolm said with a playful nudge to Trip's arm.

"He might, but it was my idea." Trip confessed. "I just wanna start slow, ya know? I don't really feel like bein' out there in the mess with everyone. Not yet, anyway."

"You've got to start sometime." Malcolm looked over at Trip.

"I know," Trip shrugged his shoulders. "It's just my first day and all."

"So," Malcolm decided to ask. "Guess you aren't up for the movie tonight?"

"Oh," Trip shook his head. "I don't think so, Malcolm. What is it?"

"Wuthering Heights. Hoshi tells me it was your choice."

"Yeah," Trip remembered. "I was tellin' Hoshi and Travis about it awhile back. They both like that sappy, romantic stuff. Thought they'd get into it. Maybe I'll see if the cap'n wants to go."

The captain crutch, Malcolm thought. Maybe there was still a chance to ween Trip away from Archer. He had to try one last time.

"If you want to join me for lunch tomorrow it's at 1300 hours."

Trip kept his eyes on his shoes. "We'll see."

Okay, Malcolm thought, maybe that was firm enough. He added, "I'll come by your quarters about fifteen minutes before?"

Trip looked up out of the corner of his eye and half- smiled. "Thanks."

* * *

The mess was busy with the peak dinner time. Travis carried his tray and made his way to a table in the corner. Just as he was about to sit, he looked up and saw Lieutenant Reed enter with Commander Tucker at his side.

The commander looked well enough. Only his head was lowered and his eyes fixed on the carpeting. Not at all like the man Travis had come to know in the last year. The Trip Tucker he knew entered a room with shoulders straight, head up and eyes looking at what lay ahead.

"Enjoy your meal." Malcolm whispered to Trip as he moved off to get his food.

Trip walked towards the captain's dining room door and stopped in front of it. He looked over at the panel that would allow him in to see the man he had come to know more intimately than any other man. Trip raised up his hand, shakily, toward the panel. As his hand hovered over the controls, he took a few deep breaths and reminded himself that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was Jon on the other side of that door waiting for him. The man who cared so much for him and would never hurt him...or so he said.

* * *

Jon sat at the table, nervously turning his fork end over end on the table. The dull thump as the utensil hit the tablecloth was the only sound in the room. If there were ever a time in his life that he doubted himself, it was now. He hadn't realized how difficult it was going to be to go back to the so-called normal life they had all created for themselves aboard Enterprise. He wanted so much for his friendship with Trip to have a stronger foundation, regardless of whether their roles within it were to change or not.

Trip was still fragile emotionally and Jon wasn't going to allow him to be hurt anymore. Not if it was within his power to control. Yes, he had confessed his true feelings for Trip to the younger man. But that wasn't meant to confuse the other. It was meant to comfort and help Trip through the ordeal that started so long ago in his childhood. To let him know that he was loved and secure with the man who was taking care of him. He just hoped he had been right to devulge that and that it wouldn't backfire on him.

The door opened and Trip entered with a shy smile. Jon looked up and smiled.

"Hi," Trip softly said as he pulled out his chair and sat down.

"Hi," Jon repeated. "How was your day?"

"It was okay." Trip began to reach for his napkin, but Jon had quickly grabbed it and held it out in front of him.

Before Jon could tuck the napkin into Trip's shirt, the latter gently grabbed hold of the cloth and pulled on it. Jon, embarrassed, let go and turned his attention to his napkin.

"Sorry," Jon apologized.

"Kinda weird, huh?" Trip nervously laughed.

"No," Jon quickly replied. "It's just that, well, old habits are hard to break."

The steward came in with their plates, putting them down in front of them. He looked to the captain, who nodded his approval, and then turned and exited.

"Spaghetti and meatballs." Trip said, inhaling the aroma rising from his plate.

"Chef didn't put it on the menu last week," Jon said. "He's a merciful man."

Trip looked up, realizing the implications. As his mind painted a vivid picture of Jon trying to feed him the spaghetti, he started to smile. The smile grew wider and a chuckle started from deep down inside him. He looked up at Jon, who was smiling just as big, and both began to laugh. The tensions and doubts each man had carried into this room were being smothered by the laughter they allowed to consume them.

* * *

Malcolm, carrying his tray, walked past the captain's dining room on his way to join Travis. He stopped short as he heard the belly laughs coming from the other side of the door. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he continued to walk towards the table. The captain and the commander did indeed share a special relationship that was now bonded by a more stronger connection. Malcolm had felt it, when he had visited them over the past week. Maybe it wasn't so bad if Trip clung to the captain a little longer.

Although he still had a strong connection with Trip after their shuttlepod one incident, Malcolm knew it could never match the one with Jonathan Archer. And, somehow, that was all right with him. He knew he could never be as close to anyone as Archer and Tucker were with each other. It just wasn't possible for Malcolm. He had come a long way in the last year with his own emotional baggage and had formed friendships, like the one with Travis, that he never thought possible. So, he was glad Trip had Jon. They balanced each other nicely, he thought.

* * *

Dinner was over long before and Trip sat staring at the cleared table. Jon shifted in his chair, reaching for and sipping his iced tea.

"I really don't know what to say," Trip mumbled. "I mean, I know you aren't gonna pressure me into anythin'..."

"All I'm asking," Jon said, crossing his arms and leaning on the table. "Is that you not let what I said that morning make you uncomfortable. I know it's easier said than done, but I never meant to cause you any more grief. God, Trip, I just had realized myself what was happening. Maybe I didn't exercise the best judgement, but..."

"I'm scared, Jon," Trip's voice cracked. "Not of you, or of how you feel. I'm scared of me. Of not bein' able to understand me. I don't know what I'm feelin' for you. It's all still so mixed up."

Jon sighed, getting up and moving behind Trip. He placed his hands on Trip's shoulders and gently began to massage him. Trip relaxed and closed his eyes.

"I think we need to be honest with the doc." Jon admitted.

Trip's eyes snapped open and he turned around to face Jon. "No."

"Trip," Jon pressed, coming around to the side and kneeling down to meet Trip's eye level. "You're therapy is far from over. What I did, in telling you about how I feel, is making an impact on your progress. I didn't want to believe it, but I can see it."

"But nothin' happened," Trip's eyes began to get misty and he bit his lower lip.

"That doesn't make any difference." Jon took hold of Trip's hands. "Look what it's doing to you. No, look what I've done to you."

Trip began to roll his head from side to side as he did when resignation was inevitable.

"You can't get in trouble for it, can you?" Trip asked. "Phlox won't report it or anything, will he?"

"He doesn't have to," Jon reassured him. "And I think I know the doc well enough to know he isn't going to make matters worse. He wants to help you. Getting me in trouble isn't exactly in your best interest."

"Tomorrow's session is at 0900." Trip sighed.

"I'll be there." Jon promised. He added, giving Trip a gentle shake. "Everything's going to be fine, Trip. Even if we just go back to being the way we were with each other before all of this, I can live with that."

"I know," Trip said. "But I really don't think I do want it to go back to the way it was. I just don't know if I can let it go as far as you want it to, Jon. And I feel bad for needin' you like I do. It's not fair to you..." His voice broke off as the tears welled up in his eyes and he hung his head.

Jon leaned forward and pulled Trip into an embrace. Trip's arms hung by his side, but he placed his forehead on Jon's shoulder, crying softly.

"I love ya, Jon," Trip sobbed. "I really do."

"Shhh," Jon rubbed Trip's back. "I know that and it makes me feel so damn lucky."

He can't even hug me, Jon thought. He doesn't even trust me enough to feel safe in my arms. The last thing he wanted was Trip to feel every touch, every embrace triggered a sexual response in him. And at that moment Jon vowed he would see to it that this broken man would heal. Even if it meant risking his career if he really did impair Trip's recovery by telling him how he felt about him. If that's what the doc discovers during the therapy sessions, so be it, Jon thought. God, just let Trip be at peace again. And as if his prayer was being answered, Jon felt Trip wrap his arms around him tightly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Is it possible you're not feeling worthy of being in the crew's company, socially, because of what you did on Montelosia?" Tucker sat, hunched forward with his arm's wrapped around his waist, staring at Phlox. He had made a promise to himself that he would not avoid any questions or statements thrown at him in therapy. That was promise he had kept, even though it was becoming increasingly more difficult each session.

"Naw," Tucker shook his head. "'Cuz I know why I did it. I don't think I blame myself or think I'm a scumbag."

"I didn't mean that." Phlox said.

"Then what did ya mean?" Tucker shot back.

Phlox regarded the commander, deciding how much tension was carefully hidden by the man.

"Suppose you just tell me why and I stop trying to guess."

Trip laughed. Guessing was he? Right, Doc, he thought. He was sure Phlox knew more about humans than he'd like him to believe.

"I just need to be careful 'round people right now." The commander explained. "I need to clear out my head first."

Jonathan Archer had slipped into sickbay quietly just as Phlox began this segment. He couldn't help but feel that Trip was covering up the true reason for his aversion to anyone other than Phlox, Malcolm and yours truly. Jon was sure it was Trip's confusion over his feelings for him. He took a deep breath as he headed for Phlox's office and, quite possibly, smack dab into boiling, hot water.

"You're doing very well, Mr. Tucker." Phlox was commending. "Your mood swings aren't as frequent. What about the nightmares?"

"Just a small one, last night." A voice said.

Phlox and Tucker both turned to see the captain standing just inside the door way.

"Captain," Phlox stood up, grabbing another chair and placing it next to Tucker. "Please, join us."

Jon sat and looked at Trip, who just stared at him. He really did mean to confront their issue. What the hell was he thinking? Trip shifted nervously.

"So," Phlox continued. "There was a nightmare last night?"

When Trip didn't answer, Jon responded, "Yes. Trip called me and I talked to him for a few minutes."

"Was it that disturbing that you needed to talk to someone?" Phlox asked Tucker.

Tucker shrugged his shoulders. "Guess so. I called him didn't I?"

"Doc, I think he was just lonely." Archer defended. "It was his first night..."

"Without you." Phlox finished. "Tell me, how did you two really get along? There had to be anger, frustration."

"Course there was," Tucker shot back. "I hated it."

Jon frowned at the younger man. He knew it had been hard for Trip in the beginning, but he thought that his friend had relaxed enough to make it bearable.

"All of it?" Jon heard himself ask.

Trip got up and began to pace, running his hands through his spikey hair. "Not all. Well, ya know what I mean."

Phlox shifted his eyes from one man to the other. The captain was furrowing his brow, trying to understand what the other was saying. The commander was looking back at him out of the corner of his eye, almost shyly. There were definite deep emotions between these two humans. Though Phlox had been studying all of the humans over the last year, these two had a connection he felt was stronger than the others.

"Gentlemen," Phlox said after a very long pause. "I wasn't able to attend, so tell me about the incident at the movie last night."

Tucker shuffled back and sat down in his chair, resuming his guarded position of hugging himself. Archer looked to the doctor and waited for the go ahead to speak. When Tucker didn't respond, Phlox nodded.

"The movie was "Wuthering Heights"." Archer began. "Have you seen it, Doc?"

"Partly," Phlox answered. "I had a private viewing later on."

"Tryin' to figure out what made me go looney, Doc?" Tucker accused.

"Trip." Jon warned. "Watch your tongue."

"That's quite all right, Captain." Phlox said. "He's correct. I did hear of the incident and needed to review the scene of the movie just prior to the outburst. It was when the boy, Heathcliff, was being hit by the other boy."

"So, ya already know. Why do I have to tell ya?" Tucker rose from his seat again and began to pace.

"Because you need to know why." Phlox answered. "They were children playing and one boy used that game to attack the other. Did you see your Uncle Chris and yourself as a boy then?"

Trip was becoming tense. His body was tightening and his hands were balled up in clenched fists. Jon knew he was holding back, building those walls higher.

"He yelled, no." Archer explained. "Startled everyone in the room. I tried to talk to him quietly, but he kept raising his voice. Telling me it wasn't right and that he didn't deserve to be treated that way."

"I didn't!" Trip wheeled around and yelled. "I never asked for it! I didn't!"

Phlox and Archer rose from their chairs, both studying Tucker as he stood before them with his eyes filling with tears.

"You didn't ask for what, command...Trip?" Phlox asked calmly.

"He said I did. Every time I..." Trip now sunk slowly to his knees with his hands still tightly clenched at his sides. "I didn't...did I?"

Jon's heart was breaking as he watched the younger man before his eyes. Still broken and hurting beyond his ability to help him. He moved toward Trip, kneeling before him.

"Asked for what?" Jon tried asking again.

"He tried it again." Trip leaned back on his legs. "The next mornin'. I was still in bed, too afraid to get out. Just waitin' for my folks to come get me. He was already drunk that early in the mornin'. I heard him comin' down the hall and I pretended to be asleep. He threw the door open and I couldn't keep still. I jumped outta bed and tried to run past him. But he grabbed me, threw me down on the bed. I didn't beg him this time. I just fought, as much kickin' and punchin' as I could. He kept tryin' to kiss me. Slobberin' all over my face." The tears were falling down his face now, onto the floor.

Jon felt tears welling up in his own eyes. He saw Phlox move up alongside him and the doc placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He kept sayin' I knew I wanted it. That I asked for it every time I gave him a hug. He said I only had myself to blame." Trip choked back the sobs. "But that wasn't true. I didn't want that. He got a fist in the eye and he hollered. Called me some cuss name and turned and left. I ran to bathroom and scrubbed my face raw tryin' to wash away his slime."

"You're absolutely right," Phlox said, softly. "You didn't ask for that. You were a loving, compassionate little boy who wanted his uncle not to be sad about his wife's death. He was the one to blame."

Trip looked up at Jon now. His expression one of confusion. "Did I ask for it, Jonny?"

Jon swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest. God, what have I done, he thought.

"Huh?" Trip pushed. "Did I make ya feel the way ya do 'bout me? Cuz I don't remember doin' it. Maybe it's all my fault."

"It's no one's fault, Trip." Jon's strained voice croaked.

"Captain," Phlox said. "What is going on here?"

"Doc," Jon started, not taking his eyes off of Trip. "I think I may be responsible for some of these doubts Trip has. I never meant to hurt him."

Phlox looked at each of the men before him. Yes, he had thought there might be a change in their relationship after the last week, but he had no idea to what degree. There were strong feelings between them of the kind that shape one's very being...or destroy it. It was becoming clear to him now that there wasn't just one man and one issue to deal with here. There were two men before him that were both agonzing over one thing, and one thing only. Each other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got inspiration from the song "Unstoppable" by the Calling on their CD _Camino Palmero._

  
Author's notes: This chapter got inspiration from the song "Unstoppable" by the Calling on their CD _Camino Palmero._  


* * *

Lieutenant Reed got up from his seat in Doctor Phlox's office. "I hope I've been of some help, Doctor."

"Oh, yes," Phlox replied. "More than you could possibly know."

"I just hope Commander Tucker's full recovery is forseeable." Reed said.

"Actually, Lieutenant," Phlox stood up. "I have already released him from therapy."

Reed's wide-eyed expression soon broke into a grin. "That's wonderful news."

"Well, it was just this morning." Phlox told him. "I won't be releasing him for duty for another few days."

"The last time I saw him was Saturday night at the movie." Reed remembered. "That damned "Wuthering Heights."

"Well, it's amazing what five days can do." Phlox marveled.

That morning after the incident at the movie had been a strenuous session. Captain Archer confessed what he had revealed to Commander Tucker days before. The captain had strong feelings and an attraction towards his best friend that he himself had only just realized. And he was agonizing over the fact that he may have impaired his friend's recovery.

Tucker was confused and afraid to deal with the new chemistry between Archer and himself. True, the commander had admitted it was possible he might have similar attractions, but was not convinced. He didn't think the shower episodes proved anything except that he enjoyed being washed by another. He said he always had with his ex- girlfriends. Natalie, his last girlfriend, could bring him to the brink of sexual release by washing him in certain ways.

Phlox had worked with both men individually and together. He found Archer to be accepting of his feelings. He was not at all concerned with putting a label on his love or himself. Tucker, on the other hand, was quite the opposite.

The younger man's personal doubts, unjustly imposed upon him by his Uncle Chris so long ago, had left him deeply troubled. The doctor had come to the conclusion, after spending so much time with the commander, that his doubts were blinding him to his true desires. Phlox had to carefully chip away that steadfast wall and bring the commander to the realization of his own feelings in regards to Archer. Feelings that had nothing to do with Uncle Chris' inebriated, lustful actions for which Phlox assured Tucker were lightyears away from what Archer felt.

Eventually, the good doctor had both men comfortable with each other's feelings. They had agreed to remain open minded and let things happen naturally. Since Phlox had prescribed the two not see each other except for the therapy sessions, it had been easier for them to clear their minds. Each was able to heal their own guilt ridden souls.

"Well," Reed said, breaking the silence. "I best get back to my duties."

"Thank you for your insight on your exclusive visits with the captain and the commander."

"You're very welcome, Doctor." With that, the lieutenant turned and left sickbay.

Phlox sat back down in his chair, leaning back and folding his hands on his stomach. This evening Archer had invited Tucker to dinner...in his quarters. Even though the commander had said, "We'll see," Phlox knew it was inevitable. Perhaps, the completion of the healing process would be closer for both men.

* * *

Jonathan Archer splashed aftershave on his face. He felt the tingling sensation ripple through his cheeks.

"This is it." Jon mumbled, embarrassed he said it out loud to no one. Not even Porthos. Hoshi had, again, agreed to take Porthos for the night. She was more than happy to have the little dog as she had grown used to the warm, cuddly companion.

Jon wasn't being presumptuous, just being prepared. Trip had agreed to dinner by simply requesting, "Let's take it slow, okay?"

So, Jon had everything set up; a small table for two, soft music and candles at the ready. He wanted tonight to be special. Not like dinner in the captain's dining room where they talked about the crew, missions, Starfleet.

As he dressed, Jon thought how strange life was. How one could focus their attentions on career, duty and miss a deep connection of love right under their nose. He had done just that. The question was, had Trip really done the same?

* * *

Trip Tucker stood in front of the door to Archer's quarters. He had been there only a few seconds, but his mind had raced through years of memories. Memories of his relationship with the man inside.

What new memories would they be creating tonight? Would they be fond or regretful ones? He knew, at that moment, that when he left these quarters again; stepped out into this very corridor, that he had walked many times, he would be different. But in what way he was not certain.

* * *

Jon smiled as he let Trip in. Both men seemed at ease on the outside, but inside they were both very nervous.

Trip sat down in his favorite spot, the bed. Jon pulled up one of the chairs next to him.

"Dinner will be here as soon as I call for it." Jon told him.

"Got anythin' to drink?" Trip asked, looking at the wine in the decanter on the table.

"You bet," Jon answered, turning around and pouring two glasses. He handed one to Trip, raising his glass. "Here's to new beginnings."

Trip raised his glass and both men took a sip.

"How was your day?" Trip asked.

"Nothing exciting." Jon replied. "We missed that planet T'Pol was telling me about my first day back. I'm thinking of circling back."

"Geez, Jon," Trip whined. "You should. The crew and mission shouldn't suffer cuz of me."

"Not you." Jon corrected. "Us. I was so into therapy, same as you."

"Yeah, okay." Trip relented, draining his glass.

"Hungry?" Jon asked.

Trip shrugged his shoulders. "Can't we talk some first?"

"Of course," Jon eyed him curiously, then added playfully, "I just thought you'd gotten enough talk these last few weeks."

Trip let a little laugh slip out, then got up and moved to stand facing the door. Jon came up behind him. He wanted to put his hands on Trip's shoulders, but he declined.

"What is it, Trip?" Jon saw the younger man's shoulders sag slightly.

"You don't know how much restraint it's takin' to keep me from chargin' right into your arms." Trip said matter-of-factly.

Jon felt his heart jump into his throat. He froze, unable to move.

"What are you saying?" Jon asked, carefully.

"It's crazy, but I've gone over all the pros and cons of you and me," Trip began. "And the pros outnumbered the cons. Only..."

Here it comes, Jon thought. The big break up before it even started. Trip wrapped his arms around himself now, succumbing to his insecurties.

"No," Jon scolded, finding his legs and moving around in front of Trip. He grabbed Trip by the shoulders now. "Don't do this. Don't crawl inside yourself. Talk to me."

Trip drew in a deep breath and let his arms fall to his sides. He looked up at Jon now, seeing nothing but concern in his eyes. This man deserved better, he thought, not me. Relationships always ended up broken when Trip Tucker was involved.

"It's just that the cons seemed bigger than life, ya know?" Trip searched for understanding. "I mean, my mama always wanted to see a Charles Tucker the fourth. So did I, for that matter. And even though these kinds of relationships are widely acceptable, my family's damn ole South, Jonny."

Jon saw the torment in Trip's eyes. "I see. And you?"

Trip sighed. "No. I never thought about it one way or the other. Till now. I mean, I always thought love is love. But there are labels put on people. Always have been. And I just don't know what I am."

"You're a dedicated Starfleet officer, Trip." Jon said. "The best damned chief engineer of the whole lot. A decent, caring, loving, good man. A man who is loved. Does it really matter by who? I don't think so."

"You really believe that?" Trip looked at the older man hopefully.

"Yes, I do." Jon answered.

"You've never lied to me, Jonny. I know that." Trip looked away. "I gotta ask somethin'."

"Okay." Jon agreed. "But look at me."

Trip sighed and looked up at his friend. "Did ya keep yourself from love because of your career and this mission? Or was it..." He couldn't finish.

"I think I did, pretty much, because of this goal." Jon started. "But since all of that talking to the doc and thinking, I believe now that it was because I was waiting for my soulmate. I just was too dumb to see you were right there all along."

Trip blushed and looked away again. "I asked ya if we could just take it slow, remember?"

"And?"

"Well," Trip bit his lower lip, nervously. "What do we do?"

"You tell me what you want." Jon prompted.

Trip moved closer towards Jon. "To be in your arms when I wake up in the morning."

The two men held each other. Their embrace tightened and they felt they couldn't get close enough to the other. Jon parted and stared at Trip, looking into those blue eyes that longingly looked back. He moved his head in, then hesitated and pulled back. Trip closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly in invitation. Jon needed no further prompting and leaned in for a gentle kiss.

Trip gasped, startled by the light brush of Jon's lips upon his. Jon kissed him ever so softly. Then Trip felt the other man's lips brushing across his cheek, up his temple and onto his forehead. The soft, gentle kisses traveled down the bridge of his nose to the tip. And then ended up back on his lips, for which Trip parted.

Jon could hardly believe this was happening. Trip was allowing him to explore the inside of his mouth. As Jon did, he withdrew kissing and nipping at the younger man's lips. When he returned to explore Trip's mouth the next time, Trip's tongue became more active and he began to do his own exploring. They kissed passionately for what seemed like forever, until Jon felt he would smother if he didn't hold back.

They pulled away at the same time, both men breathing heavily and licking their tingling lips. Trip held on to Jon's waist as the other man reached up and cradled his face in his hands.

"You all right?" Jon whispered.

Trip nodded and Jon reached down and grabbed hold of his shirt tail, lifting it up. Trip raised his arms above his head and allowed Jon to begin undressing him. It really wasn't the first time, being that Jon had just taken care of him for that week. But it was the first time in this way. The way Trip realized he needed and wanted so badly.

Jon tossed Trip's shirt on the floor, never taking his eyes off of the body he had just uncovered. The rippled stomach, the heaving chest that encased the heart he so wanted to love him back. He bent forward and began to run his lips across Trip's neck. The younger man closed his eyes and began to waver. Jon grabbed hold of Trip's shoulders and guided him back toward the bed.

Trip felt the backs of his legs touch the bed and his eyes opened quickly. But Jon's crooked smile reassured him that it was going to be all right. Trip laid back, his head propped up by pillows, watching as Jon began to run the palms of his hands across his chest. The hands moved down to his belly and then just the fingers made their way back up to his chest. Jon's thumbs and forefingers began to play with Trip's hardening nipples, which made the younger man moan and close his eyes.

Jon manipulated Trip's nipples and watched as the beautiful, blond began to toss his head from side to side. Jon knew it was time as he took off his own shirt. He stood up and began to undress completely.

Trip opened his eyes when the wonderful sensation ceased. He saw Jon undressing and watched, mesmerized by his friend's lack of shyness. There he stood, naked, looking down at him with so much desire it made Trip's heart race faster. As Jon bent over and began to take Trip's shoes off, he wondered if he shouldn't help. But Trip couldn't move. He just laid there and let this man, the one who professed his love for him, undress him.

God, he was so gorgeous. Jon looked down at the naked body of his long time friend. The young man that trusted him with his very soul looked up with eyes of wonder. Not fear or uncertainty. Jon lowered himself on top of Trip, straddling him. Both men's organs were aroused and brushed against the other. Trip's waist rose slightly and he began to shift his hips on the bed. The passion was greater than either had imagined and they kissed and rolled around on the bed frantically. So much for going slow. Their naked bodies, rubbing against each other creating friction against their erect cocks, covered with sweat.

Tongue against tongue. Lips against lips. Tongues against nipples, hands roaming over flesh. And then a hand cupped sensitive balls.

Trip let out a gasp and stopped moving. Jon released his light grip and looked down at Trip. Both men were out of breath, but staring wide-eyed at the other.

"Jon," Trip managed.

"I'll stop," Jon promised. "It's okay."

"No," Trip swallowed. "Just...do ya know what you're doin'?"

Jon couldn't help but laugh now. "Not at all. Just doin' what feels good."

"Oh," Trip whispered.

"Let's just enjoy it." Jon said, letting his hand gently cup Trip's balls again. "Getting off, okay? Nothing else."

Trip moaned and looked up at the other. "Okay," He sighed, relieved. He felt Jon's hot breath against his ear as he nibbled the lobe.

"I love you." Jon whispered.

Trip's only answer was to copy Jon's nibbling and continue to grind his hips upwards against the other's.

Jon fondled Trip's balls as they kissed. Trip's hands took hold of Jon's butt, holding a mound in each hand. They made out, frantic and frenzied with both men ending up lying side by side, each with a hand on the other's cock. They turned their heads and stole kisses as they worked the other's cock in their hand. Rubbing, jerking the other's rigid member from the base to the tip. And when they came, almost simultaneously, they felt as if all of their pent up emotions over the last few weeks were being released.

Trip nuzzled up to Jon, his head on the other's shoulder. Jon draped his arm over Trip's stomach, his other hand wiping the sweat from his lover's forehead. Trip laid his hand on Jon's chest, his fingers playing with the hair there.

"Jon?" Trip's voice broke the silence.

"Hm?" Jon replied, lazily.

"We forgot somethin'." Trip said.

Jon's eyes opened. "What?"

"Dinner."

Jon began to smile. Trip lifted his head and looked at the other with a frown.

"Hell, Jonny." Trip added, trying to keep from laughing. "I don't want ya to think I'm easy or anythin'. Next time I want dinner first."

Trip couldn't hold out any longer and started to laugh. Jon pulled him down against his chest and kissed the top of his head.

"Next time," Jon replied. "You'll need dinner first."


End file.
